I am sure most have already been filled in on the latest in the DeCoster saga. I didn't write about the last Dr. apt for a while for personal reasons that I will share at the end. Then I had every intention on recapping but I just got busy and tired.
We went back the pulmonary specialist a week after the last biopsy which showed no new information. They took another X-Ray and the doctor said he felt like the nodule and inflammation was lessening. Given that all the tests were still coming up negative and that the spots were not growing he was finally ruling out cancer. He said he was going to call it some sort of weird pneumonia and to come back in two months. He did not offer any kind of treatment at this time except to just wait it out till the next appt and see if there was any improvement. This conversation took all of 5 minutes and we left just kind of dumb founded(or at least I was).
I struggled driving to pick up the kiddos from church/school with too many emotions to really pin down. Part of me struggled with guilt. I should be jumping up and down and shouting from the roof tops that cancer didn't seem to be part of our lives as it looked like it was to be. From what I could collect from my emotions I really think the stress of the last 2 months came flooding in a wave. Driving home on I-44 is always a good place to have a flood of emotion. I hadn't had a choice but to keep going and not dwell on the what ifs or the reality of what might be taking place.
I struggled with the mix of gratitude of Roger not having cancer and the frustration that he still had a terrible cough and had no energy. If you know Roger he is one that normally has the energy and drive to do anything. I didn't understand that after everything there was no REAL diagnosis therefore no treatment or promise of relief.
These are the reasons that I was not ready to really share the update. Inward confusion and lack of faith, hope and trust. Those are three things that if you are without every situation can look very grim and hopeless.
After hashing some of these emotions out with Roger and working through them the next few days the faith and the hope and the trust started to return. I ordered some of the specific oils for pneumonia and basically anything wrong with your lungs and airways might help with. So we are going that route until the next appt to see if there will be any changes.
The reassurance that cancer is not the culprit continues to sober me. The thought that we could be doing chemo right now is a big reality check. Grateful does not even begin to describe that emotion. I am thankful for the stress that this has lifted off of Roger.....ok and me.
Thank you friends, family and loved ones. Thank you for your support, prayers and encouragement. I know our storm of the past few months is so small compared to what others have and are going through. Our God is close to the brokenhearted. For that I am thankful. The DeCoster's are ok. We are more than ok. We have hope in the future. That hope is not based on a healthy lung or normal airways. Trying not to sounds to cliché.... It is the foundation that is our God. He is big no matter what happens in our tiny little lives. We are looking forward to the next appt to see how God is going to tie this thing up.
Stephanie
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